Thelma Adams: Novelist, Critic, Oscar Expert

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PLAYDATE excerpt: a bee with an itch

March 13, 2011 By Thelma Leave a Comment

Lance,Belle,Playdate,novel,Parade Magazine,Oprah pick,NY Times rave,Home Depot,difficult discussions,birds and bees

Stay-at-home-dads do it in the mini-van

chapter 6

A stay-at-home-dad moment following the family’s move from Barstow to Encinitas

Lance pulled up at Rancho Amigo Elementary School at three- fifteen p.m., joining the Volvos and Saabs and occasional dusty-blue Valiant waiting behind the school buses in front of school. He was the only father in the pickup line.

Through the passenger window, Lance saw a flock of Girl Scouts separating from the main building, walking side by side toward the cars. They were tall and short, pressed and raggedy, in green skorts and white blouses and green sashes, sneakers and platform sandals. The neighbor’s daughter Jade held the middle—blondes to her left, redheads to her right— her blue- black Apache hair swinging down her back. She had wildly outgrown her peers— and she bore the training bra to prove it.

Lance’s daughter Belle wandered behind, sweaty and neglected. Her dark curls clustered beneath a green felt beret tilted at a drunken angle, her white shirt half untucked, the eczema twining her forearms exposed. With only the troop number and Girl Scout insignia sewn on, her sash was a bare canvas awaiting badges— Aerospace, Adventure Sports, Art in the Home, and Being My Best; and, someday, Becoming a Teen, if she lived that long.

Belle flunked Jade’s finely calibrated scale of playground fabulousness. Her Keds and Lee jeans were fashion crimes. Jade had skewered and categorized Belle swifter than an entomologist with a moth: geek. In her low-slung jeans and beaded chunky Target mules, Coco’s daughter was leading the troop on a hormonal rush out of girlhood. When she tossed her Apache mane, otherwise repressed male teachers feared for their licenses. The sole factor that stemmed her quest for dominance was her disinterest in the opposite sex; she still wanted to be a star among girls, rather than join the experimenters behind the science bungalow.

Watching Belle, Lance sympathized with his daughter; the move had been hardest on her and he felt at a loss for a way to ease the transition. He had no nostalgia about being a kid— elementary school was a tough job with intense politics. But the Belle walking toward him today wasn’t the daughter he had brought from Barstow last January, the cheery little soccer- playing cowgirl who always met his eyes with a smile, whose mouth rounded upward even when he woke her for breakfast and she gave him a sleepy hug and whispered, “Lucky Charms,” or “Fruit Loops.” She used to laugh in her sleep; he loved that. Now she didn’t want to get up in the morning. Sunday night after bath was the week’s bleakest hour.

The flock of Scouts scattered. Girls broke off in twos and threes. Belle slunk toward the pickup line, alone. “Hey,” Belle said with a sigh when she reached the van and climbed in.

Lance keyed the engine and asked “How was school?”

“Fine,” Belle said. She pulled the Harriet Tubman biography from her backpack, feigning interest. Here came the third degree. “How was home?”

“I did some exciting laundry,” Lance said. “I discovered the lost underwear of King Tut.”

“Smelly, I bet.”

“Luckily I found them after the wash cycle.” [Read more…]

Filed Under: Playdate Tagged With: Dr. No, Encinitas, father-daughter bonding, father-daughter relationship, father-daughter talk, fatherhood, James Bond, Keds, new school, Novel, Octopussy, SAHD, Southern California, Stay-at-Home Dad, stay-at-home parent, Target, TNT, Windstar, Witch Creek Fire

Playdate Excerpt: Dad & Daughter discuss plugs and outlets

February 15, 2011 By Thelma Leave a Comment

Lance,Belle,Playdate,novel,Parade Magazine,Oprah pick,NY Times rave,Home Depot,difficult discussions,birds and bees

Three pages into Playdate, ten-year-old Belle walks in on father Lance and mother Darlene making love. OK, she’s freaked out. As he drives her to school that same morning, Lance tries to discuss what she may or may not have seen.

WHEN Lance and Belle climbed into the van, he slid his coffee mug into one cup-holder; she slotted her chocolate-milk box in the other. He fumbled for his Wayfarers; she pulled them off his head and handed them over. “Buffalo Springfield or Hannah Montana?” she asked, fingering the CD’s.

“How about a compromise:  Judy Collins?”

“Too depressing,” Belle said.

“Dusty Springfield?”

“Cool.”

Lance pulled out of the driveway, passing their neighbors, the Montoya Mediterranean Revival mini-mansion and the scarred earth of the building sites to the right, the new homes with their glowing white driveways, the industrial greenhouses that emitted a pasty sweet jonquil smell.

“So, if Mom wasn’t choking you, what exactly were you doing this morning?” Belle asked, although she had her theories.

“Some stuff kids don’t need to see,” Lance said, and paused, searching for the right phrase, “like their parents having sex.”

“So, that’s what making love is?”

“Yep,” Lance said.

“I still don’t get it,” said Belle. “I used to think parents made babies if they shared the same bed, but that’s not right. I’ve laid in bed with you and nothing happened.”

“Don’t go there,” Lance said. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Books, Playdate Tagged With: Belle, Birds and bees, Daughter, Father, father-daughter bonding, father-daughter relationship, father-daughter talk, Lance, Mark Ruffalo, NY Times rave, Oprah Book Choice, Parade pick, Playdate, sex chat, tween

Tiffany Shlain Connects: The Sundance Interview

January 28, 2011 By Thelma 1 Comment

Tiffany Shlain, Sundance Film Festival, Connected, Documentary Film Competition, Berkeley, Brain Tumor, Miscarriage

E.M. Forster built a body of great literature on the idea: “Only connect!” but even the great novelist could never have imagined the internet’s power. Berkeley filmmaker (and founder of The Webby Awards) Tiffany Shlain explores this next generation of interconnectedness, and dives into her personal experience, in her compelling, informative and entertaining feature documentary, Connected: A Declaration of Interdependence.

Watching the film, it surprised me how interconnected Tiffany and I are: we both attended UC Berkeley, we’re both Jewish with roots in Odessa, and mothers of two. We both suffered miscarriages and found the loss difficult to mourn openly in this society. And our lives were irrevocably changed when our fathers died in their prime of brain tumors, an event that I have written about and that is central to Shlain’s highly personal film.

And we both found ourselves together at the Sundance Film Festival, connected as filmmaker and critic, sitting in front of the fireplace at the Yarrow hotel after a packed screening of Shlain’s award-winning first feature.

Thelma Adams: What does it mean to be connected in the 21st century?

Tiffany Shlain: It means many things. It means we’re connected to a rich complex history as a species. On a very primal level we’re connected in a close way with our family and in a new way with all this technology, with all these tools. Each of those things requires some thought. You start with yourself and work your way outwards.

TA: What developments do you anticipate in the future?

TS: We’re in the zeitgeist moment where this connectivity is about to catapult us into a new place where we’re going to tackle some of the problems of the day. I worry about this connectivity of keeping us present. The challenge is to personally be connected while using these tools to make the world better. If you look at what happened in Haiti, people were able to coordinate on the internet to help people on the ground. We’ll all be able to react and help.

TA: This is a movie about your relationship with your father….what is your connection to your mother?

TS: Very close. My mother was an incredible role model. She went back and got her PhD. I feel like she’s planted there [in the film]. As I say in the film, my mother and father both co-wrote my brain.

TA: How has that shaped who you are as a mother?

TS: I love being a mother. My mother loved being a mother. My parents both reversed a trend and they were really wonderful parents to me. I feel like I have incredible freedom to be a mother like I want to. The internet helps me. Given my miscarriages, I really valued being a mother. Every moment became more sacred. As a mother it made me more present.

TA: How would you describe your generation of women?

TS: I feel that I had a choice. A lot of my peers waited too long to have children and have had infertility issues. The internet changed things. It gives me an incredible freedom. But I struggle with turning off the computer and being with the kids. We try to do technology free trips. The first step is trying.

TA: In Howard’s End, E. M. Forster wrote, “Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer.” How is this literary vision of connection different from that which your film describes, or is it?

TS: I was at an event yesterday with Gloria Steinem. She said we’re such social creatures that when we punish somebody in our society we isolate them. We sit in a movie theater so we can have a communal moment.

TA: Can you capture this film in 140 characters?

TS: I hope this will spark a conversation about what it means to be connected in the 21st century.

Filed Under: Celebrity, Movies & TV Tagged With: Berkeley, Documentary, father-daughter relationship, Interview, Sundance Film Festival, Tiffany Shlain

Essay: Knotted Laces

December 9, 2010 By Thelma 2 Comments

PLAYDATE,parenting, father-daughter relationship, cancer, fatherhood, infidelity, converse high topsIn memory of my father’s birthday, and of the strong father-daughter relationship that inspired my debut novel PLAYDATE

I was not a rebellious teenager. Why bother? My parents were radicals in Republican San Diego. We remained close until my twenties, when I married a Dartmouth libertarian. I moved 3,000 miles east, and stopped the weekly calls, shutting out the hum of their disapproval. Then came the call: my father had a brain tumor. The doctors would start with a biopsy, and then see.

I never pictured our last walk together would be across a hospital parking lot.

Thirty years before, Dad had carried me in his arms across the Kaiser Permanente parking lot on Sunset Boulevard. In the Jewish tradition, he had named me Thelma, after his late mother. It was a tough old-fashioned name for a kid in sunny California, a name asking for schoolyard shoves, and snubs at junior high dances. The boys on the block nick-named me Thud-ma; but that’s the thing about local boys: they’ll find your weakness, whatever your name. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Books, Playdate Tagged With: cancer, Converse high-tops, family ties, father-daughter relationship, fatherhood, Parenting, Playdate

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