Sunday night, minutes after the latest Game of Thrones episode aired on HBO for the first time, there’s Stannis crossing the line being discussed in recaps all over the internet and splashing on FB and Twitter. If you actually went out during the show and didn’t obsessively DVR the thing, you now know what he did. I will not tell you. I won’t. But it has to do with his family, and that red bitch, and fire — and is the stuff of really tortured memoir.
I absolutely hate TV recaps. I mean — didn’t you watch the show? Don’t you have friends to discuss it with? Or a life to discuss with those friends? I love Game of Thrones and, like so many others, I’ve read the books. So, for example, when the Red Wedding arrives do we have to act like it’s as urgent as Putin crossing into the Ukraine atop a tank?
And that more recent wedding night rape brouhaha involving Sansa Stark and that Bolton bastard, I have to wonder: didn’t these women see what that sadist did to turn Theon into Reek? Where was their outrage then. That time that Bolton ate the weenie in front of a flayed and crucified Theon still makes me shiver. Don’t get me started — but at least those articles used the show as a means to air larger social topics — they weren’t recaps per se, which are a Neanderthal form of onine journalism.
Caillou and his mother go to the zoo to see the elephants. Caillou has a peanut meant for the baby pachyderm, sulks and goes home for a nap. A minor Caillou, with echoes of Babar. Next time: nap first, then zoo — do not feed the animals.
Or Thomas the Tank Engine: Sir Topham hat has a fit when Thomas and cheeky Percy the Small Engine pull a prank on arrogant but hard-working Gordon the Big Engine. It’s another strike against patriarchal authority for the people’s anthropomorphic hero of the Industrial Revolution.
Or Sesame Street: Guest Kristen Stewart sings the Jackson 5 classic “ABC.” The Count becomes aroused. The Street should stop pandering to YA/Twilight mania and return to its gentler roots. is there a bit of male wish fulfillment here? Is this the Stewart of Clouds of Sils Maria?